Things I'll Never Say
by tootsieXpopXdiscovery
Summary: Oneshot. RHr! I am back to writing! Songfic to Thing's I'll Never Say by Avril Lavigne in Hermione's point of View. I had fun writing it! R&R! Rated T to be safe.


**A/N- Well, here it is! I have a couple more oneshots up my sleeve and another chapter story. I haven't wrote in so long but this was fun to write! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters, not my song. Pretty much nothing is mine except the plot and the weird daydream!**

**Things I'll Never Say**

_**I'm tuggin' at my hair  
I'm pullin' at my clothes  
I'm tryin' to keep my cool  
I know it shows**_

I twisted my hair around my index finger and gave a little tug. I pull at my new shirt hoping I look okay in it and I was hoping he couldn't tell I was sweating. My heart was beating fast and I was just trying to act normal. I know he can tell by his confused stare.

I have always liked Ronald Weasley and I could always act normal and cover it up. Now that I realize I am in love with him I don't know what to do. I keep telling myself it's the same thing, to keep pretending. But it isn't that easy and I hope those glances he sends my way are full of the emotions I hope he has for me.

"Hermione, be careful, you're going to rip your hair out if you keep doing that. Did you hear me before? I said that since Harry can't come to Hogsmeade today because he has a detention it will just be you and me. So, where do you want to go first?" Ron asked me in the thestral pulled carriage on the way to Hogsmeade.

"Ummmm… I don't care. We can do anything we want to do cause Harry isn't here." I replied and as soon as the words slipped out of my mouth I realized how suggestive they sounded. Immediately I felt the heat rise to my cheeks.

Ron smirked and his blue eyes twinkled but he didn't further my embarrassment by commenting. Instead he looked at me up and down and said, "Is that a new shirt? It looks really nice on you." Ron smiled as his ears turned pink.

_**  
I'm staring at my feet  
My cheeks are turning red  
And i'm searching for the words inside my head**_

I let out a gasp at the unexpected compliment and stared down at my feet. My face must have glowed red as I tried to figure out what to say.

I have been complimented before. _Think. _What should I say? It's Ron! Ronald Weasley complimented me! This makes it so much different. I can't just say thanks. That wouldn't be enough. I have so much to say to him. Just pick one! Come on, open mouth and talk. Not hard at all.

I decided not to say thanks so of course I wouldn't.

I opened my mouth to say something along the lined of _"Well, you look quite dashing in that new shirt of yours too." _But I realized a second late how stupid that would sound.

I ended up stopping myself and all that came out of my open mouth was a high- pitched strangled sound as I gave Ron a cheesy smile. Now I am choking on my own spit and coughing as Ron is patting me on the back asking if I am okay. _****_

Cuz I'm feeling nervous  
Tryin' to be so perfect  
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it  
Yeah...

I'm so nervous around him. I want to make sure everything is perfect. I want to make sure _I _am perfect. That is why I work so hard in school and know every answer. I need to show him how good I am. Even if I am bullied for being so smart I know he is worth it. He is the only boy who will ever be worth anything to me._****_

If I could say what I want to say  
I'd say I want to blow you--away  
Be with you every night  
Am I squeezing you too tight?  
If I could see what I want to see  
I want to see you go down--on one knee  
Marry me today  
Guess I'm wishing my life away  
With these things I'll never say

Why can't I say what I want? I need to let him know how I feel.

"What's on your mind Mione?" Ron asks as he helps me out of the carriage.

I can't answer, not now. Not while he is holding my hand to help me down. Now that he has dropped it I say, "Just tired." Why couldn't I simply answer _"You."_

I need to find a way to blow him away. Brains aren't working maybe if I change the way I look. I can drag him into the dress robe shop and try on some gowns. I just wish I could fall asleep in his arms. I want him to be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing when I wake up.

I wish I could just stride to the other side of this table where he is sipping butterbeer and hug him a little too tight. I wish I could let him know I will never let go. I could just picture him taking me to a romantic spot by a lake and getting on one knee. That is all I want to see from him.

I want to scream. Doesn't he know he is all I think about and I will never truly be happy if He isn't the one I marry? Maybe I can ask him to marry me. I shouldn't be silly, that would scare him away. No one would marry me.

I guess everything is just wishes. That's all. I'm wishing everything away and if I don't stop I will never be happy. If I always hold onto him and keep wishing my life will pass by but that doesn't matter. I will spend my whole life wishing because I will never say these things to him.

_****_

It don't do me any good it's just a waste of time  
What use is it to you what's on my mind?  
If it ain't comin' out, we're not going anywhere  
So why can't I just tell you that I care?

Day dreaming about him is a waste of time. But no matter how much I try to think about something else, his red hair and freckles pop back into my head. Every time he asks me what I'm thinking about I want to tell him everything. But if I tell him he will try to let me down easy then get awkward and find a beautiful girl who is nothing like me. Anyway, knowing what I am thinking about has no use to him.

But if I don't say anything we will stay where we are and never move forward. But if I don't tell him we can't move back either. But why can't I tell him that I care about him. I can't even tell him I care about him because he is my best friend. If I tried I know it would be a lie and it is too hard to lie to him.

I have told Harry I care about him loads of times. But I care about Harry as a brother. I care about Ron in a totally different way and I don't think he will ever understand. _****_

'Cause I'm feeling nervous  
Tryin' to be so perfect  
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it  
Yeah...

I can't believe I actually had enough guts to drag him into the dress robes shop. Now here I am with the prettiest robes in my size in the changing room and he is sitting in a chair right outside waiting to see the dresses.

I glance out of the crack to the right of the plastic door and see him looking around playing with his thumbs. I glance at myself in mirror one more time before opening the door. I feel so nervous as his gaze looks at me in the low cut halter white dress.

Trying to be perfect I look up into his eyes and he smiles.

"You look beautiful." He breathed and I twirled for him. When I reached is face again I was blushing but he was looking at his watch and glancing at the honeydukes across the road hopefully.

The moment ended too soon but that look he gave me made it worth it. Yeah, totally worth it. _****_

If I could say what I wanna say  
I'd say I want to blow you--away  
Be with you every night  
Am I squeezing you too tight?  
If I could see what I wanna see  
I want to see you go down--on one knee  
Marry me today  
Guess I'm wishing my life away  
With these things I'll never say

Now, we are walking out of the dress robe shop and his hand is so close to mine. Oh my god, his hand just brushed mine. Hurriedly I pull away and I know I am blushing again. I should just grab his hand and tell him I am in love with him. But no words are coming out of my open mouth. As we walk past Madame Puddifoots I see snogging couples and their googley- eyed faces and I think about making Ron look at me like that.

That one image leads me to think about what his hand would feel like in mine. How gentle his touch would be if he were to push back a strand of my hair. I wonder how his lips would feel on mine and how soft his shoulder would be if I used it as a pillow at night.

I would just give anything if I could give him a hug to send the message. I would be like his mum and give him a bone-crushing hug (though I don't want him to think of me as his mother). Then more images pop into my head and I can see him proposing with a beautiful ring in his hand. I can see him at the end of the aisle as I make my way toward him and his pool of sparkling blue eyes.

Suddenly I am pulled back to reality as we walk into the quidditch supply shop.

"I'll be quick. I know you hate quidditch. I just want to pick up something then we can go to honeydukes." Ron smiled as he grabbed my hand and dragged me into the shop. I didn't mind as long as he held my hand the whole time we were in there. And he did.

But I know that my mind over powers my heart most times. And even though my heart is screaming _"I LOVE YOU!"_ as loud as it can, my head is muffling it with actions that say _"Just Friends."_ _****_

(What is)What's wrong with my tongue?  
These words keep slipping away  
I stutter I stumble like I've got nothing to say

After the quidditch supply store we went to honeydukes. As we were sitting on the bench outside the sweet store eating chocolate frogs and licorice wands when something slipped out of my mouth… and I'm not talking about food.

"Ron I need to tell you that I REALLY like Yyy- um- yaks!" Right away pink fluttered across my face and I groaned and covered my face. Ron gave me a weird look but he ignored my odd behavior like he has been lately and stuffed another chocolate frog in his mouth.

I don't understand why things keep slipping out of my mouth. What the heck is wrong with my tongue? My brain should be telling it to block those words. And when I don't let words slip I stutter and I can never get what I want out. I hate this stupid emotion.

_****_

'Cause I'm feeling nervous  
Trying to be so perfect  
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it, you're worth it  
Yeah...

I'm shaking. I'm sweating. I'm shaking and sweating, the sure signs of nervousness. We are standing in front of the shrieking shack. It reminds me of our first Hogsmeade trip. We move a bit closer (to the shrieking shack that is). As I walk I try to sway my hips and be perfect. Ron gives me another odd look and I know I look ridiculous. We sit down on the cool grass and the autumn leaves crunch under us.

We start talking about our families. Ron complains about how poor he is. I feel bad and before I can stop myself I say something.

"If I won all the money in Gringotts I would give it all to you." I say and blush when I realize it sounds ridiculous and it is like I am saying I agree with him that he is poor. Stupid me. I think I will cut off my tongue when we get back to Hogwarts.

"Don't be silly. Why would you give all that money to me?" Ron smiled and I knew it was a question I wasn't supposed to answer but I did anyway.

"Because you're worth it." Yep definitely cutting off my tongue.

Ron laughs and I can't help but think that maybe I won't cut off my tongue if my stupid mouth makes his eyes sparkle as he laughs._****_

I guess I'm wishing my life away  
With these things I'll never say

Slowly we get up and start to make our way back to the carriages. The carriages make me think of Cinderella. If I were Cinderella I would want Ron to be my prince. There I go wishing again.

"Hey Ron, have you ever heard of Cinderella?" I looked up to see his reaction to my very random question.

"Uhh, is that a cylinder shaped umbrella?" he asked puzzled.

"No. It is a muggle fairy tale and she is a princess. If I were Cinderella would you be my p… friend?" Stupid question. There are certain things I can't say!

"Sure." Ron said confused as he helped me into the carriage. _****_

If I could say what I want to say  
I'd say I want to blow you--away  
Be with you every night  
Am I squeezing you too tight?  
If I could see what I want to see  
I want to see you go down--on one knee  
Marry me today  
Guess I'm wishing my life away...

I daydreamed all the way back to the castle. Here is my perfect daydream.

_Ron and I were standing by the lake with the stars sparkling above us. I softly blew in Ron's face and he went flying back._

"_Woah! Talk about being blown away!" He said and I smiled as the scene changed._

_There we were laying on a bed hugging each other. Our clothes were on. My daydreams aren't that dirty… my night dreams are a different story. We kissed and I pulled back for a second._

"_I love you." I whispered._

"_I love you too." He replied and as we kissed the scene changed again._

_We were standing on a beach and out of no where Ron got down on one knee and pulled out a black velvet box that had the most gorgeous diamond ring in it._

"_Hermione Jean Granger, I love you with all my heart and the only way I can really let you know how much I love you would be if you gave me the honor to be your husband. Marry me?" He said and looked up into my eyes from his kneeling position._

"_Yes!" I screeched and gave him a kiss to remember._

The fog cleared. It was only a daydream. A wish. Those things would never happen. Those things I will never say.

_**with These things I'll never say**_

We got out of the carriage and walked toward the great oak doors. I had a feeling. A good feeling. It was courage. I decided to use that courage.

"Ron," I breathed, but before I could say anything else he cut me off by pressing his mouth to mine.

One word. Fireworks. I melted and I casually pinched my arm to make sure I wasn't dreaming. It felt like an eternity. We stood there in the grass as leaves floated around us in the cool breeze. We couldn't breathe so we reluctantly pulled back. It was times like these that I wished we didn't have to breathe.

"I love you." Ron whispered.

I responded by pulling him in for another kiss. A kiss that said _I love you too _in full blast. Those words I will never say. At least not now. Maybe when I am sure this is real. But right now I will not say those words.

I don't need to. This kiss says it all.

**A/N Yay I am DONE!!!!!! This is REALLY long! I didn't really like it but I think the end helped it a bit. I was going to make them not get together because Hermione would give up her last chance. But I like this much better. **

**Pages: 6**

**Words: 2,747 WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**PLEASE review!!!!!! I will give you virtual cookies! I love you all! Check out my other stories! **


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